Week 6 Peer Review

Skylar: “Parties and Pine Trees” was a very good post. The amount of detail in your writing is really great, since it always helps paint a picture in the reader’s mind. I felt myself walking through the house as I read that post, and saw the things that you were writing. It was also neat how you built up the situation from the beginning and didn’t just jump into the drama from the very beginning. I do wish maybe the part about the actual fire happening was longer though, just to make it seem like a little bigger of a deal. Exaggerating and exemplifying certain details in a story can really bring it to life, and you definitely have the potential to do that.

Matthew:

A really liked a lot of the aspects of “Thunder in Paradise.” First off, it was good that you gave some background on what it meant to be a local and a tourist in Hawaii, since that ends up being a major factor in the story. I also liked how you made it seem like everything was happening in slow motion, even though in real life I’m sure it all happened very quickly. By slowing down and taking time to explain the situation it makes it seem more real. I really liked the ending as well, grabbing a beer after a stressful situation makes it seem a little more relaxed and lighthearted of a story. Throughout the post, there were just a couple details I thought were maybe unnecessary, but other than that it all played out together really well.

Chelsee:

I like the fact that in your posts you write about your family. They’re obviously very close to you heart, and it really comes through in your writing. Your post this week was written very clear and straightforward, which is a good thing when trying to get main points across. I like the fact that you started out with a quote about anger, and ended with a picture and warm closing note about your brother. I would have like to see a little more analysis of the situation though. Instead of just stating what happened, it would have been cool to see you asses and go into more detail about your feelings. Just taking it to the next level could have really enhanced the story, but it was still a very enjoyable read.